Family communication
Everyone talks. No one listens. The same things are said over and over – and yet nothing changes.
Everyone in the family takes a short test. Answers are private. You get a report that shows where you talk past each other, what typically triggers the misunderstandings, and what you can try. A starting point for the conversations that otherwise don't happen.
Private answers · Patterns, not blame · Start alone
10 minutes. Just you. Pause anytime.
Sound familiar?
It's about more than the words
Communication is rarely about what's said. It's about what's heard. And there's almost always a gap between the two.
The message that lands wrong
You say 'we need to talk.' They hear 'you've done something wrong.' The intention was good. The perception was different. And from there it escalates.
The avoidance pattern
There are things you know you should talk about. But it's never the right time. Or you're too tired. Or you're afraid it will escalate. So you don't.
The repetitions
The same topic. The same discussion. The same points. No one has changed their mind – but both keep repeating, as if it helps.
Better communication doesn't start with saying more. It starts with understanding what the other person hears.
You don't need a crisis to use this. Most families who try SAMRUM aren't in trouble — they just want to understand each other better.
See what's happening between you
The report shows your communication patterns: who initiates contact, who withdraws, and what typically triggers the misunderstandings.
Everyone in the family takes the test
Answers are private – no one can see others'
Reports show patterns, not blame
Built on Big Five and IPC — two of the most validated personality frameworks. Read about methodology →
Are you a practitioner, e.g. therapist? Read more →
3 things you can try today
Whether or not you use SAMRUM, these can help.
Say what you observe, not what you interpret: "You seem quiet tonight" instead of "Why are you angry at me?". It opens up answers instead of defenses.
Wait 5 seconds after asking a question: Silence isn't a problem – it's thinking time. Let the other person come to it.
Start with the easy stuff: The best conversations don't need to be about the hard things. Start with something concrete from the day – the rest follows.
These open the door. The report shows what's behind it — why you hear different things from the same words.
What you get in a report
Here are small excerpts from a sample report. Reports show strengths in your communication, typical friction points, and concrete things to try. Click an image to see more.
The report describes patterns between you — not faults in any one person. If something surprises you, that's often where the most useful conversations start.
Ready to see your patterns?
How it works
Create a family and invite the others
Everyone takes a personality test
Get reports about your communication patterns
How to bring this up without it becoming a "talk"
Frame it as a personality test, not a communication fix: "I found this thing — want to see how we compare?"
Start alone: "I did mine. It was surprisingly accurate. No pressure for you."
Emphasize ease: "10 minutes, on your phone, whenever you want."
Frequently asked questions
No. SAMRUM is a conversation tool. It shows patterns based on data – it doesn't provide treatment or diagnoses. Think of it as a starting point for conversation.
Start with those who do. Even two people's data gives a useful picture. Others can always be added later.
The test measures 10 family themes – like need for structure, social energy, emotional reactivity, and repair after conflict. These are personality traits, not judgments.
Yes, from around age 6. Children get a shorter and simpler version. Teenagers (13-17) get their own version.
A shared language. The report shows concretely where you're similar and where you're different – and gives suggestions for conversations and experiments you can try.
That's one of the most common patterns. The report can show what you're avoiding and give you a concrete starting point – without it feeling like a confrontation.
Yes. The report describes contact and withdrawal patterns. It shows if someone typically withdraws under pressure – and what might open the conversation again.
Both are communication patterns. Talking past each other means hearing something different from what was said. Not talking is about avoidance. The report describes both.
The test and profile are free for everyone. Reports are purchased individually. See our pricing page for details.
Related topics
Arguments in your relationship?
You've been together a long time. But do you understand what happens when you clash?
Conflicts with your teenager?
Slammed doors. Short answers. Eye rolls. You know it's part of the deal – but that doesn't make it easier.
Arguments at home?
The same arguments. The same mood. It feels like you're talking past each other.
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