Couples don't always creak because of the big things. Everyday patterns — who takes initiative, who withdraws, how pressure-filled periods are handled — wear more than single conflicts. SAMRUM shows where the two of you match, where you clash, and what keeps becoming the same loop again and again.
You know the repeat fights — but not always the way out.
No app required — works directly in your browser
Each takes a short test when it suits you. Answers are private.
You get a report that shows where you match, where you clash, and what you can try. The focus is on what happens between you — not on who's right.
You can start on your own: the test takes ca. 10 minutes, you can pause anytime, and you only invite people once you're ready. They each take their own version — no one can see anyone else's answers.
A relationship needs maintenance — but it's hard to maintain what you can't talk about.
The report describes your relationship's strengths, typical friction patterns, your conflict loops (always as a cycle A→B→A, never blaming one of you), intimacy and closeness, and concrete conversation experiments. Each person gets their own personality profile across ten axes, plus a shared 5-6 minute audio summary.
Under pressure each person runs primarily on their own personality traits — not on relationship decisions. One reaches for contact and verbal clarification. The other withdraws and regulates alone. It isn't ill will but two legitimate regulation strategies that collide just when you most need to find each other. The pattern repeats because both respond on instinct.
US research points to stable couples keeping about five positive interactions for every negative one, while couples who break down move closer to one-to-one.
Yes, and the absence of arguments isn't a sign of a good relationship. Couples who always agree often have a large underground store of unsaid things. What matters isn't how often you argue, but whether you can find each other again, whether the tone is respectful, and whether the same conflicts actually move. Repeated unresolved arguments wear you down; occasional arguments with good repair are healthy.
Patterns rarely break by explaining to the other what they're doing wrong. Often, a small visible change in one part of the sequence can help more than another long conversation about intention. If you typically pursue — wait an hour. If you typically withdraw — stay two minutes longer, without saying anything.
Yes, perhaps especially. Couples with major conflicts typically use therapy or self-help to solve the acute. SAMRUM is built for everyday wear — what isn't crisis but slowly erodes. Many couples discover patterns in the report they had sensed without having words for, and get shared language to use going forward.
Couples therapy is in place when the conversation has been stuck for a long time, when there's a recurring dynamic of contempt, criticism or control, or when trust has been broken after betrayal, infidelity or serious financial conflicts. Abusive relationships should always have a professional and not self-help. SAMRUM can be used before, between and after therapy — as shared language, not as replacement.
Often yes, because the report is based on your actual profiles — not general advice. Books give principles; therapy gives professional assessment. A SAMRUM report describes where your two profiles specifically meet friction and provides pattern-language you can use afterwards. Couples who've had therapy often find the report a precise supplement: same kind of research, your specific data.
Yes. The test is built on personality patterns that don't change with distance or a break. Many couples in long-distance relationships use the report as a prompt for structured video calls. After a break, the report can show what's shifted and what is still you — a fresh look at a familiar relationship without either of you travelling.
“Thanks for the helpful suggestions for what our family can actually try. We're going to take turns planning something together at the weekend.”
You've been together long enough to know how the conflicts start. But it's harder to stop them when you're in the middle of it. And even harder to talk about afterward.
Nothing's wrong. But nothing's really right either. You function – but you don't feel each other the way you used to.
It's the same argument. You both know how it ends. But you can't help having it – again and again.
Kids, work, logistics. There's no time for you. And when there finally is, you're not quite sure what to do with it.
A relationship needs maintenance. But it's hard to maintain something you can't talk about.
You don't need a crisis to use this. Most families who try SAMRUM aren't in trouble — they just want to understand each other better.
No. All test answers are private. Neither you nor your partner can see each other's answers. The report describes patterns between you — not what anyone answered individually. This means you can both answer honestly.
No. SAMRUM is not therapy. It's a tool to get a shared language for what's happening between you. Many use the report as preparation for couples therapy — it gives the therapist a shared picture to work with.
Not necessarily. You can get a couple report that's only about the two of you as partners — not as parents. If you want, the children can take the test later, and you can add parent-child reports and a family overview.
That's completely normal — and often the most interesting part. The report is a starting point for conversation, not a verdict. If something doesn't fit, that's worth discussing: Why do you see it differently?
Separately. It's important that you answer independently — without influencing each other. You don't need to take the test at the same time. Do it when it suits you individually.
Yes. SAMRUM works whether you've been together 2 months or 20 years. Patterns emerge quickly — and understanding them early can be an advantage before they become ingrained.
Yes. Focus tracks also work for maintenance and prevention. You don't need to be in crisis to get value. Many couples use them to understand small, recurring patterns — the kind that wear you down over time without anyone mentioning them.
The test has 80 questions per person and typically takes about 10 minutes each. You take it separately, whenever it suits you. The report is ready within an hour after you've both answered.
SAMRUM is a conversation tool for families — built on psychology research, not therapy. You start with a short age-adapted test (ca. 10 min., free), and each of you gets a personal profile. From there you can choose: a relationship report about a specific dynamic, a 4-week focus track with concrete everyday actions, or the free “Right Now” guide after a conflict. All test answers stay private — even between you.
The test and profile are free. From there you have three tools — use them as you need, one at a time or together.
Report
€10–33
A detailed walk-through of the patterns between two or more of you — strengths, friction, and concrete things to try. Delivered in three formats: the full text, a guided walkthrough in smaller chunks, or a 5-minute audio summary.
See how a report is structured →Focus track
From €7
One focus, one action per week, over four weeks. A personal track for yourself (€7) or together with a partner, teenager or other adult (€10). Not therapy — a structured experiment with small things to try.
Read more about focus tracks →Right Now
Free
A 3–4 minute personal guide generated right after an argument. Pattern recognition, a plan for the next few hours, and a 10-second version if you haven't got the bandwidth. Only requires that you've both taken the test.
Read how “Right Now” works →The report describes what happens between you — not faults in any one person. If something surprises you, that's often where the most useful conversations start.
All three draw on the same profile data. You only pay for what you use — no subscription, no lock-in.
Whether or not you use SAMRUM, here are three things that can make a difference.
Start softly: How you begin a conversation often determines how it ends. Avoid attacks and criticism in your opening sentences.
Ask for a pause before you need it: Agree on a signal for "I need 20 minutes, then I'll come back". It's not escaping – it's taking care of the relationship.
Acknowledge the positive: Say one thing you appreciate about the other today. It sounds simple, but it changes the tone over time.
These create space. The report shows what fills it — your specific strengths and friction zones as a couple.
“I found a personality test for couples. I'd like to understand us better – where we're similar and where we're different. About 10 min each.”
“I took a personality test and it made me think. You can take yours here – about 10 min, whenever it suits you.”
The foundation, the privacy, the people behind:
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