Arguments in your relationship?
You've been together a long time. But do you understand what happens when you clash?
You both take a short test. Answers are private. You get a report that shows where you match, where you clash, and what you can try. The focus is on patterns – not on who's right.
Private answers · Patterns, not blame · Start alone
10 minutes. Just you. Pause anytime.
Sound familiar?
You know the pattern – but not the way out
You've been together long enough to know how the conflicts start. But it's harder to stop them when you're in the middle of it. And even harder to talk about afterward.
The silent distance
Nothing's wrong. But nothing's really right either. You function – but you don't feel each other the way you used to.
The repeating conflicts
It's the same argument. You both know how it ends. But you can't help having it – again and again.
The wear of everyday life
Kids, work, logistics. There's no time for you. And when there finally is, you're not quite sure what to do with it.
A relationship needs maintenance. But it's hard to maintain something you can't talk about.
You don't need a crisis to use this. Most families who try SAMRUM aren't in trouble — they just want to understand each other better.
See the patterns between you
The report shows your strengths as a couple, the typical friction zones, and concrete things you can try. The focus is on patterns, not blame.
Both of your answers are private
No one gets blamed
Concrete suggestions for everyday life
Built on Big Five and IPC — two of the most validated personality frameworks. Read about methodology →
Are you a practitioner, e.g. therapist? Read more →
3 things you can try today
Whether you use SAMRUM or not, these things can help.
Start softly: How you begin a conversation often determines how it ends. Avoid attacks and criticism in your opening sentences.
Ask for a pause before you need it: Agree on a signal for "I need 20 minutes, then I'll come back". It's not escaping – it's taking care of the relationship.
Acknowledge the positive: Say one thing you appreciate about the other today. It sounds simple, but it changes the tone over time.
These create space. The report shows what fills it — your specific strengths and friction zones as a couple.
What you get in a report
Here are small excerpts from an example report. Reports show strengths in your relationship, typical friction points, and concrete things you can try. Click an image to see more.
The report describes patterns between you — not faults in any one person. If something surprises you, that's often where the most useful conversations start.
Ready to see your patterns?
Three steps
Create a family (yes, couples are families too)
You both take a short test
Get a report about your relationship
How to suggest this to your partner
Frame it as fun, not work: "I found this personality test for couples — want to try?"
Start first: "I already did mine. It took 15 minutes. You can do yours whenever."
Remove pressure: "It's not therapy. It's just interesting to see where we're similar and different."
Frequently asked questions
No. All answers are private. Neither you nor your partner can see each other's test answers. The report describes patterns between you – not what anyone answered.
No. SAMRUM is not therapy. It's a tool to get a shared language for what's happening between you. For serious challenges, we recommend seeking professional help.
You can get both a couple report (just the two of you) and a family report (with the children). The couple report focuses on your relationship as partners – not as parents.
The test has 80 questions and typically takes 15-20 minutes. You can take breaks and continue later. The report is ready within minutes after you've both answered.
The report is a starting point for conversation. If something doesn't fit, that can be worth discussing in itself. Why do you see it differently?
No, you take it separately. It's important that you answer independently – without influencing each other. You can take it whenever it suits you.
Yes. Many use the report as a starting point for conversations with a therapist. It provides a shared picture that the therapist can work with.
SAMRUM works whether you've been together for 2 months or 20 years. Patterns emerge quickly – and it can be an advantage to understand them early.
The test and profile are free for both of you. Reports are purchased individually. See our pricing page for details.
Related topics
Family communication
Everyone talks. No one listens. The same things are said over and over – and yet nothing changes.
Arguments at home?
The same arguments. The same mood. It feels like you're talking past each other.
Conflicts with your teenager?
Slammed doors. Short answers. Eye rolls. You know it's part of the deal – but that doesn't make it easier.
From the blog
'We're not ready for therapy' – 5 signs you can still get a lot from a shared language
Therapy isn't the only way. Sometimes it's just about finding a shared language before the patterns lock in.
4 min read'One plans, the other improvises' – how it becomes a pattern (and not a fight)
When structure meets spontaneity, friction arises. Not because anyone's right – but because the needs are different.
4 min readWhen did we become teammates instead of partners?
You run everyday life perfectly. The logistics work. But when did you stop being partners and become project managers?
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