Sibling conflicts?
They fight. They scream. One withdraws, the other escalates. You end up as the referee – and no one wins.
Everyone takes a short test – the kids get an age-adapted version. Answers are private. You get a report that shows the dynamic between the siblings: what binds them together, and what typically triggers the conflicts.
Private answers · Patterns, not blame · Start alone
10 minutes. Just you. Pause anytime.
Sound familiar?
It's rarely about what it looks like
Sibling conflicts look like arguments about toys, screen time, or who sits where. But underneath, it's about something deeper: fairness, attention, and finding their place.
The fairness war
Everything must be equal. Portions, bedtimes, screen time. If one gets slightly more, the other explodes. It's not about the food – it's about being seen.
The quiet one and the loud one
One child yells and demands. The other withdraws and says nothing. You only hear the loud one – but the quiet one carries just as much.
Competing for attention
They interrupt each other. They one-up each other. They both want to tell about their day – but neither wants to listen to the other's. It's about space, not ego.
Sibling relationships are the longest relationships in life. The patterns start now.
Understand the dynamic between them
The report shows what binds the siblings together and what typically triggers conflicts. It gives you something concrete to work with – as parents.
Age-appropriate test (from around age 6)
Children's answers are private
Report tailored to the sibling relationship
Built on Big Five and IPC — two of the most validated personality frameworks. Read about methodology →
Are you a practitioner, e.g. therapist? Read more →
3 things you can try today
Whether or not you use SAMRUM, these can help.
Describe what you see, not who started it: "You're both frustrated" instead of "Who started it?". It changes the dynamic.
Give them a shared task: Siblings who collaborate on something concrete (setting the table, building something) practice a different muscle than when they compete.
Acknowledge the quiet child: The child who doesn't yell also needs to be heard. Ask them separately – not in front of their sibling.
These calm the moment. The report shows the dynamic underneath — why they keep landing in the same fight.
What you get in a report
Here are small excerpts from a sample report. Reports show strengths in the relationship, typical friction points, and concrete things to try. Click an image to see more.
The report describes patterns between you — not faults in any one person. If something surprises you, that's often where the most useful conversations start.
Ready to see your patterns?
How it works
Create a family and add the children
Everyone takes an age-appropriate test
Get a report on the sibling dynamic
Getting started with siblings
With 2 children, start with both. With 3+, start with the pair that has the most friction.
Frame it for the children: "This is a quiz about how you are as a person — there are no wrong answers."
Let each child take it separately — ideally without siblings watching.
Frequently asked questions
The test is designed for children from around age 6. Younger children may have difficulty understanding the questions. Children get fewer and simpler questions than adults.
No. All answers are private – including the children's. The report describes patterns between them but never shows individual answers.
SAMRUM adapts the test to the age group. A 7-year-old and a 14-year-old get different questions, but the results can still be meaningfully compared.
Yes. You can buy separate reports for the sibling relationship and for the relationship with each child. They illuminate different dynamics.
The test requires both parties to have answered. If one child doesn't want to, you can start with an individual report for the child who participates.
Yes. SAMRUM doesn't distinguish between siblings and half-siblings. The report shows the dynamics between the children who actually live together and interact.
SAMRUM can show underlying patterns behind the conflicts. But if there's persistent physical aggression, you should contact a professional. The report doesn't replace professional assessment.
You can add all children and purchase reports for the relationships you want to understand. With 3 children, you could get a report for each sibling pair or a combined family overview.
Yes. Each household creates its own family. Your children can exist in both. You start independently — no coordination with the other household needed.
The test and profile are free for everyone. Reports are purchased individually. See our pricing page for details.
Related topics
Parenting without a one-size-fits-all recipe
What works for one child doesn't work for the next. But how do you figure out what fits?
Arguments at home?
The same arguments. The same mood. It feels like you're talking past each other.
Family communication
Everyone talks. No one listens. The same things are said over and over – and yet nothing changes.
From the blog
That's not fair! – why fairness matters so much to children
When children say 'that's not fair,' it's not drama. It's a deep need to be treated as equal. And it starts earlier than you think.
3 min readWhen siblings react completely differently to the same thing
One child explodes. The other withdraws. Same parents, same situation – completely different reactions. It's not random.
3 min read