Sibling conflicts rarely hinge on the toy, the back seat or who asked first. They run on a deeper dynamic: different temperaments, a constant negotiation of fairness, and each child finding their place in the family. SAMRUM shows you which patterns keep running between them — and where you can step in.
When they react in totally different ways, it's rarely just about the topic.
No app required — works directly in your browser
The whole family answers — the children get an age-appropriate test. No one can see each other's answers.
You get a report that shows the sibling dynamic: what binds them together, and what typically triggers conflict.
You can start on your own: the test takes ca. 10 minutes, you can pause anytime, and you only invite people once you're ready. They each take their own version — no one can see anyone else's answers.
Sibling relationships are the longest you'll have — patterns start now.
The report describes the bond between siblings, where rivalry typically emerges (and what it's really about), family roles you've taken on, friction patterns, and how you can support each other better. Both siblings get their own radar profile, and the report has a 5-6 minute audio summary.
Siblings fight because they share resources, parents and time with the only other person in the house also competing for them. It isn't a sign of poor parenting — it's how children practise negotiation, boundaries and fairness. Most researchers classify it as developmentally normal.
Dunn and Munn's classic observational study found that siblings aged 2–4 averaged one conflict every ten minutes of their shared waking time at home.
Yes, almost always. Frequency alone tells you little about severity. What matters isn't how often they fight, but how it plays out: whether there's repair afterwards, whether one consistently loses, and whether you're seeing signs of withdrawal, somatic symptoms or fear in one of the children.
The most effective step is changing the language you use as the adult mid-conflict. Instead of finding the culprit — which reinforces the rivalry — describe what you see and let the children find the solution. It breaks the judge role that tends to escalate things.
How SAMRUM connects patterns to concrete moves →
If they hit or push, break contact before talking. Name the situation without judgement: “No hitting. You both take five minutes in separate rooms.” Talk only when both nervous systems have come down. If it's frequent, or one child is consistently the one getting hurt, it's time for a professional.
Separate acknowledgement works better than neutrality in the middle of a fight. Mid-conflict, description is enough (“you're both angry right now”). Afterwards — one-on-one — each child can have your undivided attention: “How did you experience that?” It isn't taking sides; it's seeing each as an individual.
SAMRUM has an age-adapted test version for children from around age 6. A 7-year-old and a 14-year-old each get their own version — different questions, different length, different language. Scores are interpreted within age-adapted versions, so the report can compare patterns cautiously across ages — without treating children and teens as identical. Children's answers always stay private; reports only show patterns between you.
Sibling conflicts alone rarely require therapy. But if one child is systematically excluded, if physical violence recurs, if the youngest becomes afraid at home, or if the conflict affects sleep, school or eating for several weeks — it's time to talk to a professional, not just as a family.
Counselling and family therapy bring a professional into the room. SAMRUM is a tool you read yourselves at home, based on your own tests. The report doesn't single out one child and doesn't diagnose — it describes dynamics between you and suggests concrete steps. Many families use SAMRUM first and move on to a professional if needed.
The report describes personality patterns without using diagnoses or overlaying them. A child with ADHD still has a profile (structure, energy, reactivity) that can be read — and a sibling report can help you understand why the meeting between a diagnosis and another profile produces the pattern you know. SAMRUM replaces no professional assessment or intervention.
“Thanks for the helpful suggestions for what our family can actually try. We're going to take turns planning something together at the weekend.”
Sibling conflicts look like arguments about toys, screen time, or who sits where. But underneath, it's about something deeper: fairness, attention, and finding their place.
Everything must be equal. Portions, bedtimes, screen time. If one gets slightly more, the other explodes. It's not about the food – it's about being seen.
One child yells and demands. The other withdraws and says nothing. You only hear the loud one – but the quiet one carries just as much.
They interrupt each other. They one-up each other. They both want to tell about their day – but neither wants to listen to the other's. It's about space, not ego.
Sibling relationships are the longest relationships in life. The patterns start now.
No. All answers are private — including the children's. The report describes patterns between them but never shows what anyone answered individually. This applies regardless of age.
Yes. The test adapts to each age group automatically — a 7-year-old and a 14-year-old get completely different questions. Results are normalised so they can be meaningfully compared. The report accounts for the age difference when describing the dynamic.
Yes. SAMRUM doesn't distinguish between siblings, half-siblings, and step-siblings. The report shows the dynamics between children who live together and interact daily — regardless of biological relation. The roles between them are often more important than kinship.
A sibling report requires both to have answered. If one child doesn't want to, you can start with a parent-child report for the child who participates — and add the sibling report later when both are ready.
SAMRUM can show underlying patterns behind conflicts — like rivalry, role conflicts, or different needs for structure. But with persistent physical aggression, we always recommend contacting a professional. The report doesn't replace professional assessment.
You can add all children and purchase reports for the relationships you want to understand. With three children, you could get a report for each sibling pair or an overall family overview showing patterns across the group.
SAMRUM is a conversation tool for families — built on psychology research, not therapy. You start with a short age-adapted test (ca. 10 min., free), and each of you gets a personal profile. From there you can choose: a relationship report about a specific dynamic, a 4-week focus track with concrete everyday actions, or the free “Right Now” guide after a conflict. All test answers stay private — even between you.
The test and profile are free. From there you have three tools — use them as you need, one at a time or together.
Report
€10–33
A detailed walk-through of the patterns between two or more of you — strengths, friction, and concrete things to try. Delivered in three formats: the full text, a guided walkthrough in smaller chunks, or a 5-minute audio summary.
See how a report is structured →Focus track
From €7
One focus, one action per week, over four weeks. A personal track for yourself (€7) or together with a partner, teenager or other adult (€10). Not therapy — a structured experiment with small things to try.
Read more about focus tracks →Right Now
Free
A 3–4 minute personal guide generated right after an argument. Pattern recognition, a plan for the next few hours, and a 10-second version if you haven't got the bandwidth. Only requires that you've both taken the test.
Read how “Right Now” works →The report describes what happens between you — not faults in any one person. If something surprises you, that's often where the most useful conversations start.
All three draw on the same profile data. You only pay for what you use — no subscription, no lock-in.
Whether or not you use SAMRUM, here are three things that can make a difference.
Describe what you see, not who started it: "You're both frustrated" instead of "Who started it?". It changes the dynamic.
Give them a shared task: Siblings who collaborate on something concrete (setting the table, building something) practice a different muscle than when they compete.
Acknowledge the quiet child: The child who doesn't yell also needs to be heard. Ask them separately – not in front of their sibling.
These calm the moment. The report shows the dynamic underneath — why they keep landing in the same fight.
“I found a test that can help us understand the kids better – why they react so differently. They take it separately (about 10 min), and nobody can see each other's answers.”
“Check out this family test. The kids answer questions about how they are (no wrong answers), and we get something concrete to talk about.”
The foundation, the privacy, the people behind:
When children say 'that's not fair,' it's not drama. It's a deep need to be treated as equal. And it starts earlier than you think.
3 min readOne child explodes. The other withdraws. Same parents, same situation – completely different reactions. It's not random.
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