How SAMRUM works

A structured conversation tool for families, built on each person's own test. Everyone answers privately, gets a free profile, and the reports show the patterns in each relationship – without anyone seeing each other's answers.

See a full example

The flow

Everyone starts with their own test

  1. 01

    Take your test

    About 80 statements about your everyday life – not about others. Adults, teens and children each get their own version.

    • About 10 minutes – you can finish later
    • Age-adapted from about age 6
    • No right or wrong answers
  2. 02

    Get your profile

    10 tendencies in everyday language. The profile is free and yours alone.

    • No types, no labels
    • Calculated deterministically – no AI
    • You decide who sees it
  3. 03

    Invite one or more

    Your partner, teenager, child or sibling takes their own test on their own phone.

    • Nobody sees each other's answers
    • Children are invited by a parent
    • Teens own their own profile
  4. 04

    See the report

    One report per relationship – or a family overview that gathers all the relationships in one report.

    • Buy only what you want to read
    • The report is a snapshot
    • Read it as overview, guided or full

Method and AI

Calculation first. Language last.

The AI puts things into words and suggests next steps. It doesn't calculate, and it never sees your test answers – only calculated profiles and the patterns that have already been found.

  1. 01AI: No

    Test

    Each person answers privately. 8 statements per tendency.

  2. 02AI: No

    Profile

    10 tendencies are calculated deterministically.

  3. 03AI: No

    Comparison

    Profiles are compared in pairs: distance, direction, zones.

  4. 04AI: No

    Patterns

    Rule-based matching against a catalogue of professionally grounded patterns.

  5. 05AI: Yes

    Wording

    AI puts the matches into everyday language and suggests what to say or try – within locked boundaries.

Research-grounded in the Big Five and the Interpersonal Circumplex. Not a validated psychometric test – read what that means.

Read the methodology

Profile and report

Each person gets a profile. The relationship gets a report.

The profile – yours alone

10 tendencies on their own scales, such as how much structure you need or how quickly you react under pressure. No types, no score to pass.

Your profile

Anne

  • Need for structure

    FlexibleStructured

  • Calm under pressure

    Reacts quicklyStays calm

  • Repair after conflict

    Time to cool downQuick repair

The report – about the relationship

Where your tendencies match, where they clash, and the loops you can get stuck in – always described as A → B → A, never as blame.

Couple

Anne & Martin

Conflict patterns

The Score That Never Balances

Both Anne and Martin are tuned to fairness, and over busy weeks each of you can quietly start tracking who did what – the school pickup, the evening cleanup, the social arrangement that someone has to organize. Anne notices whether tasks are distributed fairly; Martin is very aware of whether things are fair between you. When two fairness-trackers run side by side without comparing notes, the running tallies stop matching, and the relationship can start to feel transactional even when both of you are contributing.

Trigger

A specific household or logistics moment – one of you discovers the other forgot something, or one of you ends up doing a task you thought was shared. It can be as small as the laundry or as big as managing a whole weekend's plans.

Escalation

Instead of naming the specific moment, a longer list comes out – 'and last week you also...', 'I end up...'. Anne's intensity rises; Martin stays calmer on the surface but is also keeping his own count. The conversation becomes about the ledger rather than the original task.

Repair

Anne can name the specific thing without pulling in last week's list, and ask for what she wants going forward. Martin can name his own ledger out loud rather than holding it quietly – fairness lands better when it is spoken than when it is tracked. Together you can agree on a short weekly check-in (15 minutes, same time each week) where the ledger gets aired before it builds. The goal is not perfect balance but visible accounting.

FairnessPersistenceStructure

Excerpts from the demo family's example reports. The family is fictional, the report was generated by SAMRUM – your choice carries down to the report anatomy.

Anatomy of a report

Section by section – with one real card from each

The five report types are built differently. Pick a type to see which sections it consists of. Every card is taken directly from the example report for the demo family – the family is fictional, the report was generated by SAMRUM.

  1. 01

    Your relationship

    Your relationship

    Anne and Martin meet each other from quite different operating systems in everyday life, and that is the most useful thing to understand about this relationship. Anne has a clear need for solid routines in the relationship – she likes knowing the shape of the day, the week, the weekend. Martin finds it easy to take things as they come in everyday life together, so plans hold loosely for him in a way they rarely do for Anne. Neither setting is wrong; they simply pull in opposite directions on the small stuff that fills a shared life.

    Underneath that difference, there is a quieter alignment that both of you can lean on. Both Anne and Martin often need alone time to recharge, and both find calm in familiar shared routines. So even though you negotiate a lot about how the day is structured, you tend to want similar things from a Saturday: not too many people, not too many surprises, a recognizable rhythm. That shared baseline is something you can draw on – a lot of couples don't have it.

  2. 02

    What connects you

    What connects you

    You find your way back to each other after disagreements. Anne has a clear need to talk things through after disagreements, and Martin often prefers to talk about what happened in the relationship. The repair instinct runs in both of you, and that is one of the strongest long-term markers a couple can have.

    Warmth flows in both directions. Anne has a clear need for close contact in the relationship, and Martin often seeks closeness and contact in the relationship. Neither of you is the one carrying the affection alone – it is offered and received from both sides, which keeps the relationship from drying out under daily logistics.

  3. 03

    Friction patterns

    Friction patterns

    Weekend and week-ahead planning. Friday-evening conversations about Saturday, or a Sunday-night sketch of the week, are common hotspots. Anne wants the shape of it; Martin can hold it more loosely.

    Last-minute changes to plans. A canceled visit, a shifted bedtime, a rearranged Saturday. These small disruptions are everyday situations where friction surfaces.

  4. 04

    Conflict patterns

    Conflict patterns

    The Score That Never Balances

    Both Anne and Martin are tuned to fairness, and over busy weeks each of you can quietly start tracking who did what – the school pickup, the evening cleanup, the social arrangement that someone has to organize. Anne notices whether tasks are distributed fairly; Martin is very aware of whether things are fair between you. When two fairness-trackers run side by side without comparing notes, the running tallies stop matching, and the relationship can start to feel transactional even when both of you are contributing.

    Trigger

    A specific household or logistics moment – one of you discovers the other forgot something, or one of you ends up doing a task you thought was shared. It can be as small as the laundry or as big as managing a whole weekend's plans.

    Escalation

    Instead of naming the specific moment, a longer list comes out – 'and last week you also...', 'I end up...'. Anne's intensity rises; Martin stays calmer on the surface but is also keeping his own count. The conversation becomes about the ledger rather than the original task.

    Repair

    Anne can name the specific thing without pulling in last week's list, and ask for what she wants going forward. Martin can name his own ledger out loud rather than holding it quietly – fairness lands better when it is spoken than when it is tracked. Together you can agree on a short weekly check-in (15 minutes, same time each week) where the ledger gets aired before it builds. The goal is not perfect balance but visible accounting.

    FairnessPersistenceStructure
  5. 05

    Closeness and distance

    Closeness and distance

    Closeness needs

    Closeness is something both of you actively want. Anne has a clear need for close contact in the relationship – physical closeness, expressions of care, knowing where you stand emotionally. Martin often seeks closeness and contact in the relationship, in a slightly more even-tempered register. Initiation can come from either side, which is healthy. The thing to watch is timing: Anne's need for closeness can spike right when the day has worn her down, while Martin may want connection when things are calm. Naming what kind of closeness you want in the moment – a hug, a conversation, just sitting near each other – takes a lot of guesswork out of it.

    Distance needs

    Both of you often need alone time to recharge, and that is genuinely useful. Anne can be easily overstimulated, and Martin also has a real need for solitary time. So when one of you steps away for a quiet half hour, it is rarely a withdrawal from the relationship – it is maintenance. Where this gets tangled is when distance and conflict overlap. Anne is noticeably affected when the atmosphere gets pressured, so quiet space after a tense moment can read as something colder than it is. Saying out loud 'I need twenty minutes, then I want to come back to this' protects both the alone time and the connection.

    Physical affection

    Affection is a shared language here, not something one of you has to keep alive alone. Anne's expressions of care tend to be open and visible; Martin offers warmth in a slightly steadier, less expressive register. Both registers count, and the data suggests neither of you avoids contact. The friction point is more likely to be tempo than direction – Anne may want closeness fastest when she is most depleted, and Martin's calm can read as low engagement in those moments. A small ritual of physical contact that is not tied to mood or conflict – a hand on the shoulder in the kitchen, a kiss before leaving – tends to do more for couples like you than big set-piece moments.

  6. 06

    Conversation starters

    Conversation starters

    1

    'I want to do a fairness check-in – not because something is wrong, but so neither of us ends up keeping a silent ledger. What's felt uneven to you in the last couple of weeks?' This works because both of you are fairness-aware, and naming it together is far easier than each of you tracking quietly.

    2

    'When plans change last-minute, I lose more than the plan – I lose the shape of the day. Can we agree on how we tell each other when something shifts?' This names the structure gap directly, without making it about either of you being wrong.

  7. 07

    Try this

    Try this

    1

    Weekly 20-minute logistics meeting. Same time each week (e.g. Sunday evening). Three questions: what's coming up, who owns what, anything that's felt off. This takes the planning load off Anne's head and gives Martin a clean place to engage with planning rather than reacting to it.

    2

    Domain ownership on paper. Sit down and divide the household and family-admin domains – appointments, school, finances, social calendar, errands – into clear owners. Whoever owns it owns it fully, including the remembering. Revisit in a month.

  8. 08

    Early warning signals

    Early warning signals

    If the silent ledgers stop being shared. When fairness moves from a topic you can talk about into something each of you tracks privately, resentment can build faster than either of you notices.

    If repair attempts start being declined or postponed indefinitely. The strength here is that you both reach back – if that pattern starts to fray, it's worth treating as a meaningful signal, not a phase.

Read this full example report

Five report types

Five types – one for each relationship

A report is a detailed walk-through of the dynamic between two or more of you – not judgements of the individual, but patterns you can talk from. It's built on both people's profile data, but never shows individual answers.

  • Individual

    About you alone: your patterns, your stress triggers, what helps you reset, and where you thrive.

    See example

  • Couple

    The dynamic between two adults in a relationship – where you match, where you clash, and the recurring loops you're in.

    See example

  • Parent ↔ child

    One parent and one child (from age 6) – age-adapted, with the parent as the one adjusting more.

    See example

  • Sibling

    Between two siblings – rivalry, alliances, role distribution, and where adults can support without judging.

    See example

  • Family overview

    The whole family as a system – subsystems, interactions, and where combinations create friction.

    See example

Reports are a snapshot. They describe what's happening right now, based on your test responses – not a permanent truth. You can retake the test in six months and get a new picture.

Reports are one-time purchases – one price per report type, no subscription, no lock-in. Reports don't overlap; each type is built for its specific relationship. Current prices are on the pricing page.

Three ways to read

How you'll read the report

Once your report is ready, you can go through it three ways – and switch as you go:

  • Full text

    The complete report with every detail.

  • Guided – one topic at a time

    At your own pace, in small steps.

  • Audio summary (5–6 min)

    A short narration. Listen while you're out.

Included in the price. Audio is made the first time you tap play.

When you want to go further

The report describes the patterns. This works with them.

Pick one focus – and feel the difference in your everyday life

Your profiles show 10 axes. That's a lot to take in at once. A focus track takes one area and gives you 4 weeks of everyday tools. It can be just for you, or about a pattern between you and someone else.

Each week you get a short message in the app: an observation, a micro-experiment, and a reflection. It takes 2-3 minutes to read. You choose which day you want it delivered.

You'll only see tracks where your profiles suggest recognition. If none of them land – it's simply not relevant right now.

Help in the moment – "Right now"

"Right now" has two doors. You open the acute moment guide right after an argument – it's free and with no limit. You use the thematic guide in a calm moment for a recurring theme between you – your first thematic guide is free, after that a guide costs €4. You choose who it's about, answer 4-5 short questions, and get a personal guide with pattern recognition, a chain warning, and a concrete plan.

The guide uses both people's profiles – so it knows something about the other person's perspective, even though they're not present. It's not therapy and not a chat. It's one complete answer that validates your state and gives you something concrete to do.

Acute guide free and with no limit. First thematic guide free, then €4. Requires completed test for both people.

Questions about SAMRUM as a product

Last updated Written by Thomas Silkjær, founder of SAMRUM

What do I get from taking the test?

The test takes ca. 10 minutes and gives you a free personality profile right after – 10 tendencies that describe how you react, communicate and handle pressure in everyday life. The profile is a mirror you can use on your own or compare with others in the family.

What is the profile based on?

The profile is based on 10 family themes: need for structure, social energy, warmth, boundary-setting, emotional reactivity, calm under pressure, fairness filter, conflict style, repair, and persistence. These are everyday patterns described in a family context – not judgements of behaviour or “right” ways to be.

What's the difference between a profile and a report?

The profile is you – 10 traits about you as an individual, free with the test. A report is the dynamic between you and one or more others: where you match, where you clash, and which patterns keep repeating. The profile is input; the report is what happens when two profiles meet.

See the 10 axes and the scientific foundation →

How is a report structured?

A report has sections for strengths, typical friction points, concrete loops (A → B → A, never blame), experiments to try, and a retest suggestion. It's delivered in three formats: the full text, a guided walkthrough in smaller chunks, and a 5-minute audio summary. All three are included – read, navigate or listen.

Can I listen to the report instead of reading it?

Yes. The report is delivered in three formats, included in the price: the full text, a guided walkthrough one topic at a time, or a 5–6 minute audio summary. The audio is AI-generated with a visible transcript (WCAG 2.1 Level A) and is produced the first time one of you hits play.

What is a focus track, and how is it different from a report?

A focus track is a 4-week structured observation and experiment about one area. The report describes the pattern; the track works with it over time. A personal track uses your own data. A together track uses both people's data and gives each their own perspective per week. Not therapy – small everyday moves.

Who can take part in a together focus track?

A partner, another adult, or a teenager (13–17) by invitation. Each gets their own perspective based on their own profile. The other person's perspective is always framed as a hypothesis – “could it be that…” – never as a claim. Children under 13 can't actively take part in together tracks.

What is “Right Now” and how is it used?

Two doors. The acute moment guide opens after a conflict and is free, with no limit. The thematic guide is used calmly for a recurring theme – first one free, then €4. A short intake produces a personal guide: the pattern you're in, what typically happens from here, what you can do now, and how you repair when you're ready. Requires both of you to have taken the test.

What does the Right Now flow look like in practice?

You open Right Now in the app, choose who it's about, and answer 4–5 short questions about what happened. You then get a personal guide based on both people's axis scores – with pattern recognition, a plan for the next few hours (including a 10-second minimal version), and repair suggestions.

Can I use SAMRUM alone, without inviting the rest of the family?

Yes – most people start solo. You take the test, get your profile, and decide yourself whether and when to invite others. Individual reports, personal focus tracks and self-insight all work fully without involving anyone else. The mini-test (90 sec.) is an even lower-threshold way to start.

Does the whole family need to take part for us to get something out of it?

No. Start with whoever is ready. Two people's data gives a useful picture – you can start with a couple report or parent-child report and add more later. Only the family overview requires more participants. Other report types have no requirement of full family participation.

What does SAMRUM cost?

The test, profile, mini-test and the acute “Right Now” guide are free. The thematic guide is free the first time, then €4. Reports and focus tracks are one-time purchases with one price per type. No subscription, no lock-in, and nothing has a time limit once purchased. Current prices are on the pricing page.

See the full pricing overview →

Questions

Technical and methodological questions

How does the AI work in SAMRUM?

AI writes the report from the calculated profiles and patterns. It doesn't invent patterns – it puts what has been calculated into words and suggests what you can say or try, within locked boundaries. The AI has no access to other families' data and is not trained on your answers.

Can I pause the personality test and continue later?

Yes. You can stop and continue later – your answers are saved automatically as you go. You don't need to finish the test in one sitting. Many people spread it over a couple of days.

Can my teenager join a focus track?

Yes. Teenagers (13-17) can both buy their own personal focus tracks and participate in together tracks with an adult. Personal tracks are 100% private – you can't see them. Together tracks are started by an adult, and the teenager receives an invitation. Children under 13 don't participate actively – the parent uses the perspective toggle instead.

Can I use SAMRUM on my phone, tablet, and computer?

Yes. SAMRUM works in the browser on all devices – phone, tablet, and computer. You can also download the app for iOS and Android. Your profile, test answers, and reports sync automatically across devices.

How is SAMRUM different from 16Personalities and Enneagram?

16Personalities and Enneagram give you a type – like INFJ or Type 4. That's intuitive and easy to remember, but generalising. SAMRUM gives you a profile with 10 axes and sub-facets that's unique to you. With AI, we go deeper than a type label and describe your actual patterns in a family context. Read about our scientific methodology.

What is the scientific basis behind SAMRUM's personality test?

SAMRUM is built on two well-established research frameworks: OCEAN (Big Five) from Costa & McCrae (1992) – the dominant model in personality psychology – and IPC (Interpersonal Circumplex) from Wiggins (1979) for relational behaviour. Questions are inspired by IPIP (International Personality Item Pool), an open item bank (Goldberg et al., 2006), but adapted and reformulated for a family context – with situational items and trade-off items that capture dynamics between people. The Big Five structure has been shown to be robust across contexts (Soto & John, 2017; Donnellan et al., 2005). You'll never encounter technical terms – we translate into 10 family themes. Read more on our methodology page.

How does SAMRUM describe patterns between people?

We use a systemic approach: conflicts are described as mutual cycles ("Alma reacts → Julie withdraws → Alma escalates"), never as linear cause-and-effect. This is the core principle of systemic family therapy (Bateson, 1972; Minuchin, 1974). The same person can have different patterns with different family members. The report never says "it's your fault" – it shows what happens between you, based on Gottman's couples research (1994) and attachment theory (Bowlby, 1969; Johnson, 2008). Read more about our systemic approach.

Ready to get started?

Create a family and take the first tests. The personality profile is free.