Conflicts with your teenager?
Slammed doors. Short answers. Eye rolls. You know it's part of the deal – but that doesn't make it easier.
Everyone takes a short test – the teenager gets their own version. Answers are private. You get a report that shows strengths and friction in your relationship, with concrete suggestions for everyday life with a teenager. Not therapy – but a new starting point for the conversations that otherwise don't happen.
Private answers · Patterns, not blame · Start alone
10 minutes. Just you. Pause anytime.
Are you the teenager? ↓
Sound familiar?
Are you the teenager?
- Your answers are private — your parents can't see them
- You see the same report they do
- You can take the test first and invite a parent later
- If something in the report feels wrong, that's a conversation — not a verdict
It's not just you
The teenage years are a time of big changes – for them and for you. The brain is under construction, emotions run high, and the need for independence clashes with the need for security.
The morning that escalates
It starts with a "come on." Ends with a slammed door. You both know it's not really about what you're arguing about – but what is it about?
The silence after the conflict
They say nothing. You don't know if they're sad, angry, or just don't care. And they won't say anything until it explodes again.
The confusing reactions
Sometimes they're open and talkative. Other times they shut down completely. You can't find the pattern, and it makes it hard to know what to do.
It's not a sign that something is wrong. It's a sign that you need a shared language for what's happening.
A shared starting point
The report zooms in on the dynamic between you and your teenager. It shows what typically triggers conflicts, and gives suggestions that fit a teenager – not generic advice.
The teenager's answers are private – you can't see them
The report describes patterns, not blame
Concrete suggestions for everyday life
Built on Big Five and IPC — two of the most validated personality frameworks. Read about methodology →
Are you a practitioner, e.g. therapist? Read more →
3 things you can try today
Whether you use SAMRUM or not, these things can help.
Ask without judging: Try "What were you thinking when...?" instead of "Why did you...?". It opens up answers instead of defenses.
Choose your timing wisely: Avoid big conversations when you're tired or stressed. Morning and late evening are rarely good times.
Acknowledge the feeling first: Say "That sounds frustrating" before suggesting solutions. Teenagers often shut down when they feel you're just trying to solve the problem.
These help in the moment. The report shows what's actually driving the disconnection — so you're not guessing.
What you get in a report
Here are small excerpts from an example report. Reports show strengths in your relationship, typical friction points, and concrete things you can try. Click an image to see more.
The report describes patterns between you — not faults in any one person. If something surprises you, that's often where the most useful conversations start.
Ready to see your patterns?
How it works
Create a family and add the teenager
Everyone takes a test (adapted to age)
Get a report about the relationship between you
How to introduce this to your teenager
Don't frame it as a problem. Say "I found this personality test — want to try it?"
Emphasize privacy: "I can't see your answers. Nobody can."
Let them choose: "Take a look and decide. No pressure."
Frequently asked questions
No. All answers are private. No one in the family can see each other's test answers – not even in the report. The report describes patterns between you, not what anyone answered.
It's completely voluntary. The test works best when everyone participates willingly. Try explaining that it's not about finding faults, but about understanding each other better.
No. SAMRUM is not therapy and doesn't replace professional help. It's a tool to get a shared language for what's happening at home. For serious challenges, we recommend contacting a professional.
The standard test has 60 questions for teenagers (about 8-10 min) and 80 for adults (about 10-15 min). There's also an extended version with more questions. You can pause and continue later.
The report describes patterns and points to things you can try. It's a starting point for conversation – and often the best conversations start where something surprises you.
The test has no right or wrong answers – it measures preferences and reaction patterns. There's nothing to gain from answering 'correctly', and most teenagers answer honestly when they know it's private.
Yes. Teenagers (13-17) get their own version with questions adapted to their age and daily life. It's not an adult test disguised as something else.
Yes. Most families don't have 'major' conflicts – just patterns that wear you down. The report can reveal dynamics you weren't aware of and give you a shared language.
Yes. Each household creates its own family. Your teenager can exist in both. You start independently — no coordination with the other household needed.
If conflicts significantly affect daily life, if there's anxiety, isolation or self-harm, contact a professional. SAMRUM is a conversation tool – not a replacement for therapy.
Related topics
Family communication
Everyone talks. No one listens. The same things are said over and over – and yet nothing changes.
Arguments at home?
The same arguments. The same mood. It feels like you're talking past each other.
Parenting without a one-size-fits-all recipe
What works for one child doesn't work for the next. But how do you figure out what fits?
From the blog
'Our teen says nothing' – 12 questions that work better than 'how was your day?'
'How was your day?' always gets the same answer: 'Fine.' Here are 12 questions that open more.
4 min readThey haven't become difficult. They've grown up.
Your teenager isn't the same person they were three years ago. That means you can't be either.
4 min readA good life in the family matters most – what does that mean in practice?
Research shows the family is the most important arena for young people's wellbeing. But what is 'a good life in the family' in everyday life?
4 min read